Friday, 2 September 2011

Mistakes, Changes and Apologies

Well, on my "about me" section, I have mentioned that I am a keen writer, and so I would like to take this opportunity to add a small piece of Original writing on here, and ask you, the reader of my blog, to take a moment to read it, and possibly add a comment as to how I could improve. Any opinions are welcome. I am not claiming to be a natural at this, and I know it is nowhere near perfect, but it is a bit of practice, so please, any comments are welcome. It's the first time I have done this, so here goes:

We're all human. We all make mistakes, right? So why do I feel like whatever I do, it's wrong, it's... bad? Sitting here, on my bed, phone in hand, screen bright with a new message flashing up, I bite back tears. What have I done now? That is a stupid question. I know what I have done, and I know it was wrong. I cling to that knowledge; that we ARE all human, and that it is in our nature to make mistakes, and that I am sorry, but it does no good.
It doesn't feel right to just sit here, but all I can do is wait. I know she is on the other end of the phone, I know I've done wrong by her, and I know I'd do anything, absolutely anything, to make this right. I just don't know if that's enough anymore.

As the phone beeps again, I open the message, my heart pounding, my head spinning, my eyes watering.
What's written inside scares me, but it gives me hope. At least she replied, I tell myself. With this in mind, I stand, and pace to the window, then back again, fingering the pale purple wallpaper where it peels off the wall. I think, as I do this, that this wallpaper is, in some strange way, an inhuman representation of Us. Of me and of her. We are peeling around the edges, and whatever we had, whatever friendship we had, what I want us to have again, is fading and peeling, it is tearing and ripping, and taking more than a little piece of me with it.

Dull grey clouds blanket the sky, but they are too harsh, too bright. Something about them makes my puffy eyes sting, so I look back at the peeling wallpaper instead. This, at least, does not burn. It may be a cruel reminder of what I am in danger of losing right now, but still there is something comforting about it.
My house would not be a home without this wallpaper.
I cannot live without her. She is my best friend. She is what keeps me sane when things turn bad.
I close my eyes. It is nearly midday on New Years Day. Is that too late for making Resolutions?
I decide no.
It is not too late to change.
It is never too late to change. And so I resolve to change. With five minutes to spare, I make my promise:

This year, and every year beyond, I will not do wrong by her. I will change. I will be a better person.
I will apologise, and I will change.
I will fix this.
I will fix this.

She is my sister, and it is not my place to break her. I am sorry.